not on solid ground

not on solid ground

i’m supposed to head back to school tonight and i’ve never not wanted to leave home as much as i do now. it’s so strange because last year mama&papa zhang constantly asked me to come home or stay at home longer, and now, just the thought of heading back to school drains me.

i don’t even know why. to the world, it seems like i have everything in order. i’ve got friends i can count on, i’m in a good program at school, i’m involved in school activities, i’m searching for a part-time job and might even be successful in getting one, and i’ve got parents who still support me fully. yet, i feel like i’ve already been defeated. i’ve feel competely overwhelmed from the tasks i have in front of me, and i already want to forfeit this battle with school before its even started.

my heart isn’t right. definitely not portraying the image of Christ. and most days i actually just want to hide from other people, and GOD (if it were possible). and i can’t stand the fact that if i were to allow myself, i would be okay at where i’m at.

but i guess the silver lining came from today’s devo.

There are times in your spiritual life when there is confusion, and the way out of it is not simply to say that you should not be confused. It is not a matter of right and wrong, but a matter of God taking you through a way that you temporarily do not understand. And it is only by going through the spiritual confusion that you will come to the understanding of what God wants for you.

i guess i’m spirituality confused. and it’s kind of comforting to know that GOD can plan these moments for us, because that gives me hope that HE’LL pull me out too.